I read this quote today on another's blog and it hit home with how I am trying to live these days. Having two kids at the ages mine are, I am found laughing and smiling most of the time. Then there are those moments.. those 20 minute sections of time throughout the day that leave me wanting to pull my hair out as I try to bite my tongue. Whatever I do, Mont and Emmy remember it; for better or for worse. This realization came a long time ago, yet I am finally having to be that person I want to be, rather than just think about her.
When I get angry or upset over when Mont doesn't give Emmy a turn, or when one of them snatches a toy from the other, they remember that, and when they are the 'victim,' they think it's appropriate to raise their voice and grab their arm. When I see them do that to one another it slows me down and my heart sinks.
Kneeling down, I hold their hands, and show them what I mean for them do. I tell them to speak softly. I show them how to hold the other's face, or hand, or how to hug without the strangle hold. They are such sweet little things, children are. They make me a better person for helping me see my own faults. They help me appreciate the small things in life, like grasshoppers climbing siding, or robins in the morning grass. My children point out the wild and the interesting, the hurtful and the frightening, and also the fun and enjoyment that can be had while waltzing along to a tune we've heard a million times.
Someday, these days will only be memories. Someday, these moments will be longed for. Someday I will ache to hear Mont crying for "Momma" down the hall when my head just barely hits the pillow. One day I will remember the splashing in the tub that wet the floor before the towels could dry it. The battles at every meal will one day be long gone, and I'll be left with quiet and with peace.
I'm already nervous for that peace and for that quiet. I'm enjoying these days too greatly, and I'm afraid for them to end.
Grandpa Benson, Mark's namesake and beloved grandfather passed away this past Sunday evening in his home in his white Sunday shirt. He is now an angel, whom I like to think will check in on our home as I believe my own grandfather to do, and become one who might watch over our little ones.
The full talk that the quote was found from can be found right here. I am so grateful to be a mother, what a blessing it is. I've been thinking these thoughts for a good while now, as I see around me how fragile this life can be. It is very delicate, and things can change in an instant. Mothering is my calling now, and I want to enjoy it entirely, and make the best influence on my children as possible. It is a daunting task, but one I want to walk straight into, with my head held high. Encouraging words like the quote above help me do just that; thank goodness for Heavenly strength and assistance. Alone, I wouldn't stand a chance.
