I read this quote today on another's blog and it hit home with how I am trying to live these days. Having two kids at the ages mine are, I am found laughing and smiling most of the time. Then there are those moments.. those 20 minute sections of time throughout the day that leave me wanting to pull my hair out as I try to bite my tongue. Whatever I do, Mont and Emmy remember it; for better or for worse. This realization came a long time ago, yet I am finally having to be that person I want to be, rather than just think about her.
When I get angry or upset over when Mont doesn't give Emmy a turn, or when one of them snatches a toy from the other, they remember that, and when they are the 'victim,' they think it's appropriate to raise their voice and grab their arm. When I see them do that to one another it slows me down and my heart sinks.
Kneeling down, I hold their hands, and show them what I mean for them do. I tell them to speak softly. I show them how to hold the other's face, or hand, or how to hug without the strangle hold. They are such sweet little things, children are. They make me a better person for helping me see my own faults. They help me appreciate the small things in life, like grasshoppers climbing siding, or robins in the morning grass. My children point out the wild and the interesting, the hurtful and the frightening, and also the fun and enjoyment that can be had while waltzing along to a tune we've heard a million times.
Someday, these days will only be memories. Someday, these moments will be longed for. Someday I will ache to hear Mont crying for "Momma" down the hall when my head just barely hits the pillow. One day I will remember the splashing in the tub that wet the floor before the towels could dry it. The battles at every meal will one day be long gone, and I'll be left with quiet and with peace.
I'm already nervous for that peace and for that quiet. I'm enjoying these days too greatly, and I'm afraid for them to end.
Grandpa Benson, Mark's namesake and beloved grandfather passed away this past Sunday evening in his home in his white Sunday shirt. He is now an angel, whom I like to think will check in on our home as I believe my own grandfather to do, and become one who might watch over our little ones.
The full talk that the quote was found from can be found right here. I am so grateful to be a mother, what a blessing it is. I've been thinking these thoughts for a good while now, as I see around me how fragile this life can be. It is very delicate, and things can change in an instant. Mothering is my calling now, and I want to enjoy it entirely, and make the best influence on my children as possible. It is a daunting task, but one I want to walk straight into, with my head held high. Encouraging words like the quote above help me do just that; thank goodness for Heavenly strength and assistance. Alone, I wouldn't stand a chance.
8 comments:
Beautifully written Jayci.
Loved reading this, Jayci.
This is well said and it's clear it comes from a light within.
Thank you so much for this post. I've been having a hard week of motherhood--a hard time not raising my voice, and then feeling so terribly guilty when I do & wish I hadn't. It's so easy to get caught up in those hard moments and forget what a blessing it is to be a Mom. Thank you for reminding me of that.
So sweet. In twenty years they will talk about their "angel mother." I know it. I am officially enjoying my first week as a real stay-at-home mom. It's a little heaven on earth. :) (I laughed out loud when I read about Mont calling your name right when your head hit the pillow! Except mine is still in the crying stage. And it is definitely hard. I'm trying to learn to enjoy every moment, even the hard ones, like you said.)
Lovely.
Thank you for the reminder to soak every moment in with these little people.
P.S. Hope it's okay that I totally stole/copied your idea and did a mom post with the same quote. I just really appreciated your post, and it hit home. Thank you, again. Wish we could be moms together, closer! :)
beautiful post, jayci. you are such a gentle reminder to me of how i should be with my children. i tend to be more fiery and impatient and know i should be more calm and gentle and Christlike. which is how you are as a mother. thank you for this sweet post!
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