I'm not quite sure where to start explaining what's been going on since beginning this routine nearly a week ago.
Mont IS sleeping more soundly at night for longer... but only until about 4:30 or 5:00 am. A couple of nights last week I let him cry for about 35-40 minutes and he fell asleep until 7, the second night being easier. But then the third night he woke up at the same time and when I would pray, asking him be able to calm down, I got the prompting, "You have to help him this time." So, I did... not sure what I would find. He had wedged his head into the corner, even with the little bumper there, I'm sure it was uncomfortable, and he was crying really hard. When I picked him up to move him back to the middle of the crib, I noticed the two pacifiers were under his head on either side, probably poking him relentlessly with their hard plastic. I felt awful...
Since then, I have been listening to his cries more carefully, trying to decide what is the problem. Sunday morning I let him cry for an hour and a half, until it was 6:00, then I went downstairs to feed him. I knew he had a dirty diaper since about 10:00 the night before, so after scooping my tearful baby up, I put him on the changing table and started to change him. As soon as he realizes I'm not feeding him right away he wails and screams.. I feel awful, but I was hoping that if he was changed, he'd fall right asleep as I was nursing him. Oh, he was crying so hard.. It was a trick getting him to fall back to sleep, and he even woke up crying after he DID fall asleep. I must have really hurt his feelings.. I felt so bad.
Well Sunday goes on, and I find out Mark is coming home that night, so I do a quick vacuum before church. While vacuuming I put Mont in his swing chair (it's 2 pieces) and put it in the kitchen so he is out of the way of the vacuum. While vacuuming around the kitchen table, I am out of sight, and I then hear his crying. When I look at him his face is red, and tears are running down his face! He must have been crying for a good few minutes before I realized it - was he afraid of the vacuum? Did he think the vacuum was eating his mother?! no.. I know, but I'm trying to understand why he is crying so hard. Since, I can't put him after that down without him welling up with tears and a red, extremely sad face.
Church goes very well, and he laughs and plays with Jodi, then falls asleep on my lap in the second hour, and sits on my lap for the third.
After church.. I can't put him down, I can't even turn my back; I can't let let him alone for any amount of time without him feeling abandoned and crying.
My conclusion: I RUINED MY SWEET BOY!
That night, Mark gets home and sees the 'damage' I caused the next morning when he sees how easily Mont starts to cry with anything; he notices something is amiss as well. I later call my mom for comfort after Mark leaves for the last leg of his trip, and I try to have a better day. I do. Monday- last night, ends well. Lots of laughing, and playing, but still not as much as normal.
Yesterday I decided that if he wants to eat at 4:00 am, I'll feed him at 4:00 am!!!!! I don't care if I am getting up at this hour if if makes him feel like I'm not abandoning him! I've had enough of hurting his feelings. If I feed him then, he will go right back to sleep, so I am able to go right back to sleep; it's not awful in the least bit.
good outcomes:
: he sleeps more soundly until 4:00 or 5:00 ish
: even if he wakes up he jabbers or even cries for a few minutes, then he falls to sleep again without me needing to go in and give him his pacifier.
: he'll fall right back to sleep after that feeding (last two nights) like normal, and will sleep until 8:00, then wake up happily.
: I get 5 or 6 hours uninterrupted sleep - YES! That was my goal.
SO! I achieved my goal, but in the process, I learned what works for Mont and what doesn't. I really don't mind getting up to feed him early in the morning, especially since this is now the only time I have to go down. Running up and down those stairs 9 to 11 times a night was what was killing me; not the once a night feedings. I am so happy about this. But I am sad that now Mont has separation issues all of the sudden. That's what kills me... knowing I did have a hand in that. So the last couple of days, I am careful with how our days go. I want to get back to what it was with how happy he was all the time, even when I wasn't in sight. That just breaks my heart.. I want him to trust me again!
Yesterday was better than Sunday, and so far, today is better than yesterday. Hopefully, he'll be back to his normal, happy self by the weekend. Oh, how I hope!
13 comments:
I'm sorry! Hadley was the same way...at about 8 months, all of a sudden she got major separation anxiety...and still has it. I always wonder if I did something, butI can't think of anything major that happened.
Their sad cries make you feel so bad! Oh, and she is terrified of the vaccuum. Which basically means that I have very dirty floors:)
Hope your happy baby comes back soon!
I don't think it has to do with your new routine. Like Darci said, around this time babies just get separation anxiety regardless and he's so used to you being around that when you leave the room, he doesn't understand that you WILL be back and you didn't just vanish into thin air! I don't think its anything you did :).
Don’t feel sad, Jayce. The separation issues are normal. They will come and go. Jif got separation anxiety at 8 months, 11 months, and 13 months. Then it seems to go away. Your baby is just smart and starting to figure out that he has some control of making mommy come back. Every mom and baby is different, and you have to do what is right for you. Definitely read that book I recommended. It lets you customize sleeping to how you and your baby are comfortable. It doesn’t just say one way to do it. That’s why I liked it. You are a great mommy. Mont is so lucky to have someone who cares about him soooo much.
That last post wasn’t Josh, it was me. Accidentally was under his account. ooops. But I’m sure he would say the same thing :)
Oh Jayci!!! It will work out!
You know, you know Mont best but I would bet that the way he's acting right now isn't your fault at all. He's going through a sleep transition, doing a lot of crying and not a lot of sleeping which can make a baby CRANKY! It's like everytime Soren got sick or got his shots he wouldn't sleep and would cry all the time if I wasn't holding him. I would worry that he would stay like that permanently but sure enough, it would pass and this too will pass!! Hang in there! I remember being SO frustrated with the sleep thing - it killed me, but I am so glad that I have a baby who really loves and needs his sleep. If 5-6 hours is good for you now, leave it and work on more later! :)
LOVE YOU!
Only waking up at 4 am is great! Seriously. The whole cry it out thing is super controversial and I definitely am not the biggest fan of it. Not that I have never let Asher cry. But I have found that babies and toddlers go through so many changes so quickly that their sleep doesn't stay consistent for long. Asher will go through stretches where he sleeps all night and then he'll start teething or hit a growth spurt and wakes up more. So I try not to get to uptight about it. It always gets better eventually.
The No Cry Sleep Solution is a great book full of ideas to help you figure out what will work best for you and your baby.
I'm so sorry, Jace. You are a wonderful mom. I hope you know that.
Ryan likewise wakes up in the early morning. Sometimes I have to feed him, sometimes he'll go back down. It sounds like he and Mont would get along.
I am sending you an email response to this post! I dont want to take up all your comment space! ;o) So check your email!
I think you have explained the woes of every mom! You are doing great. I am sure you didn't ruin your sweet boy. Just remember that you are the mom and that you have the right to inspiration regarding him. Heavenly Father will help you do what's best. I think sometimes, though, the inspiration doesn't come right away. We are learning as well as they are, aren't we?
I think you are wonderful and I am sure if Mont could speak he would say the same.
and ps. both my kids are terrified of the vacuum. Even Claire. You would think that she would have outgrown it by now. not so. At least I have an excuse to not vacuum. :)
He and you are doing great! You know what he needs. If feeding him one time helps him to sleep better the rest of the night, then by all means feed him so you can both sleep better. Maybe he is growing and needs that extra feed. Maybe he is teething. Like Chelsea said, their sleep schedule is a dynamic thing...it continues to change as they grow and develop, get sick, travel...its always in a state of change. Good luck!!
well, i don't think i can say more than what all the rest of your sweet friends have. i echo 100% all of their comments. you're a wonderful mom and it is wonderful that you listened to the spirit and prayed for guidance. if you do that all the time, you have nothing to worry about!!
ronin started separation anxiety a few weeks ago and it's hard! he used to go to anybody, now his little mouth frowns and 2 seconds later there is a huge wail and these big tears run down his face. i guess they just go through it. and he's on a similar sleep schedule as mont - waking up around 4, and then sometimes 6 and then 7:30/8, happily. it's way better than the first few months, so i'm just going with it. honestly, i love the way they just conk out on your shoulder after eating at 4am, it's so sweet and they're still and not squirmy and you just know that you love them. and then you go back to sleep! don't be like me and check your facebook on your iphone sometimes. ha
Just know that you didn't ruin him, he'll still be that same sweet boy. always.
These kids need their sleep to be happy. [As do we moms] It might take time, but it'll be worth it. It's taken a long time with Dante, he was there early on, but something happened and we regressed. My strategy for months has been to just not go in there (I'd send Tony if necessary), especially back when I was nursing (because it was the easiest for both of us to just feed him, and we had been at the point where he was sleeping 8 hours).
You'll find what works best for you both.
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