This morning I woke up to beautiful sunshine, and even though I had energy from the hope and excitement of a new day, my eyes were still stinging from a restless night's sleep.
My sweet little boy with a charming crooked smile has me soothing him every hour and a half to two and a half hours at night these days nights. Two nights ago he woke up only once at 2, then again at 7:30. So I know he's capable of at least once-a-night-feeding. But even on that night he woke up twice for his pacifier.
So today I made the decision.. while watching Man vs. Wild, where he said, "Make all your decisions while you're cognitive and able to think it through, before you're drained and have nothing left to fight." (aka during the day in my case)
My visiting teachers came over, one is a mother of 6 angelic boys (seriously, they are all Heaven sent!), and the other is a lactation consultant and the mother of an angelic little girl. I turned to them for support today, and told them about my strong, brave mom who put up with me until I finally slept through the night at 3.5 yrs old! My little baby sister slept through the night before me. "It runs in the genes!" is what Stacey said. ha! nooooooo!!
If I do this, one thing that keeps crossing my mind is, "Will I ruin our happy little boy? Will he not trust me after this?" He knows I love him, he has to, right?! I know the argument that if he gets more sleep, he'll be happier.. is it possible that he could be even happier? I've never seen a baby that cries as little as he does (well.. before half an hour ago). If he is sad, or reluctant to smile at me tomorrow, I may feel like an awful mother. But even so, I'll have to stay strong until this pans out, won't I?
Mark and I thought of our friends in Texas, the Andersons, who told us that with their children, at 4 mo. of age, they let them cry it out for as many nights as it takes (no more than 3, I remember them saying), going in at 15 minute intervals to tell them "You're okay, I'm here."
Tonight I was thinking about doing it, until he would almost calm down, but then roar up again. A friend said the same thing, so I thought, "why not?" I went in there, and as soon as he heard my voice.. ROAR!! He went nuts! As I heard his throat go coarse with his hard cries, my throat tightened right up. I hunted for his pacifier that sometimes nestles itself under his chin or shoulder and wakes him up. It was under his left arm, so I put it aside, patted him on his tummy, stroked his cheek while saying, "You're okay.. calm down, you're alright, Mont."
I had to leave.. he wasn't getting any more calm with me there. I fought so hard to keep him in his crib. I conquered my body's need to hold him, to put my face to his. I will make up for that tomorrow.
He is quiet now. It has now been 25 minutes. Oh, how I hope tonight goes quickly.
*iphone pic from Jan.
10 comments:
Good job Jayci! I know it's SO hard! I'm up with Ty right now for his usual 4am feeding and just trying to figure out how I can get him to sleep longer. But anyway, you are an awesome mother and Mont is so lucky to have you!!!
Oh Jayci! I feel for you! It is SO hard!!! We had a similar problem with Tucker, except that we were so worried about his lack of weight gain that I didn't know when to go in & feed him and when not to. Anyway, we just had to decide when we would feed him (either once or twice a night...whatever you feel is right), and then let him cry it out the rest of the time. And for Tucker, it didn't work to go check on him after so many minutes or whatever. We just had to let him cry, and cry as long as he needed to. We only went in when it was the time we had previously decided to feed him. It was hard. He would literally cry for an hour or longer. Multiple times a night. It probably makes me sound like a horrible mother, but we knew that that's what we needed to do & that it was what he needed. And some books/people will tell you that after a few nights like that it will get better. For us, it literally took months. Granted he started crying for less time, but he still would wake up and cry multiple times a night. So it was really hard. REALLY hard. But SO worth it. After a few months he only woke up once a night to eat, and then at 12 months he gave up the middle of the night feeding so that he was sleeping 12 hours straight through the night. So it IS worth it. It doesn't make you a terrible mother. Helping your child learn to sleep is one of the best things you can do for them, in my opinion. We read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, and it was VERY helpful & encouraging. You can do it! You are Mont's mom, and you have the ability to pray to know what is best to do for him. Good luck! And please let me know if you need some encouragement or if I can help in any other way. It's hard. But it's so worth it.
Aww little Mont. He will get into a routine and learn how enjoyable sleep is soon! I hope the next little while goes better for you though. You're strong, I know you can do it! You are such a good mom no matter what! :)
Oh Jayci, you have to get the book “the Sleep Easy Solution”. It is good middle ground for parents who have a hard time letting their child cry it out. DO NOT let the kid not sleep through the night until he is 3 1/2. That is not healthy for him and it is not healthy for you. Even though he doesn’t know it, he will be happier and healthier if you wean him off these night feedings. You will be a better mom with the energy to do things that you never thought that you could do before. He is capable right now of sleeping through the night 12 hours or more. He is not going to starve. He is not going to hate you. You need to do it gradually, so it’s not too traumatic, but the book will teach you how to do it. I gave into Jif’s nighttime feedings until he was 9 months old. Once I did sleep training I couldn’t believe how easy it was and why I had waited so long. It is important to not let your child parent you, you need to be the parent and set the boundaries of sleep and meals. I feel your pain, I had such a hard time making the step to finally do this, and to do it right. But it was one of the BEST decisions that I ever made. EVER. In using this book it took 4 days for Caden to sleep through the night and drop his nighttime feedings. It works if you stick to your guns and are firm. Buy this book, if you don’t buy it, I will buy it and send it to you.
I'm getting nervous for our sleep training as I am reading this! But way to go! I totally understand what you mean by needing to hold him...it is so hard to just leave them in the crib when they are screaming out for you! But it sounds like you did great! Graham does the same thing...he only needs to eat at 4 am but he'll wake up for his pacifier or to be reswaddled every couple hours! I know I need to do the training with him soon, but I am so dreading it that I keep putting it off! We tried it one night and he screamed his lungs off for almost 2 hours! Gonna have to bite the bullet someday though! Thanks for giving me inspiration! I'll have to get your tips before I start!
Jace, you can do it.
YES, THEY ARE HAPPIER WHEN THEY GET SLEEP.
It was so hard when we boot-camped Ryan, but he slept SO MUCH BETTER after we got through the first two or three days. And that's all it took.
WOW, hard times. I can't even imagine what that's like, but it's definitely in my future! I hope things go well for you and little Mont. You are a great mother!
Stay strong. I still have a hard time when Jameson wakes up in the middle of the night for whatever reason.
Don't feel like a bad mom. I have to do this with my baby as well during the day because she flat out REFUSES to nap and ends up being super fussy in the early evenings. I cried the first couple days and was worried that she would never smile at me again! Your son is so cute by the way.
oh jayci. i know this post is old, but you are such a sweet mama. i hope he's doing better now. both ava and max slept through the night {7-7 or later} when they were 3 and 4 months old. it was tricky at first but SOOO worth it. when you get sleep, you're just a better mom and they're so much happier. take it from me. mabel only barely started sleeping through the night at 10 MONTHS. so different from my other two. thinking of you!
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